Death

Death. Not a really big word. It doesn't even sound ominous. It sounds commonplace, not half as beautiful as demure or solitude nor as ominous as foreboding or portent. Such an average word. If words were people, death would be that person you see everyday on the elevator but never remember the name or face of. 

And yet, it has such an ominous meaning. It's almost like finding out that everyday person on the elevator is actually a serial killer. 

But the ominosity of death is not what we are discussing here today. Indeed, what is it that I want to discuss? 

Honestly, I have no idea. I just wanted to begin my blog by writing about death. Why death, you ask? Why would I begin with death when death is said to be the end? 

I begin with death exactly because it's supposed to be the end. I have a certain love for paradoxes, and beginning my blog about the little things in life with something as big as death seemed to me the perfect paradox. 

That is, of course, if you think of death as the end. Loss of life is always painful, but just loss isn't always painful. It might, but I believe you need to let go of certain things to gain something better. 

In tarot, there is a Death card. Most people think it to be bad luck, however, the Death card actually means that something good is coming your way. It means transformation, the death of something undesirable to make space for more desirable things. 

I personally feel the same about death. It's sad and painful, but also necessary. It hurts to hear of death, but thinking that they might have moved on to a better place makes me feel much better. Indeed, the only people death hurts are the ones left behind. Death will never not be sad because of all the people left behind. And there will always be someone left behind. 

I read a lot of xianxia novels and a common theme there is immortality. In the latest novel I was reading, the protagonist is always talking about how people will do anything to not die and live on for years and years. I have, honestly never understood it.

If given the choice between dying right now or never dying at all, I would choose to die right now. Not without hesitation, no, I do like life, but the main reason I like life is exactly because it's so short. The fact that I am not going to be able to do the things I might be putting off now 200 years later is what motivates me to get off my bum and do it. I am a big procrastinator and if I was reassured that I'd live forever, I'd never get anything done at all. If anything, I'd just sleep for a hundred years straight. 

More importantly, I'd never be able to go on living as young while watching my loved ones grow old and die. Imagine living for a thousand years, getting close to a thousand people and watching them all die. Imagine watching the earth crumble piece by piece while you search for that beauty the earth once was but never can be again. 

Yep, no, thank you. I'm fine with dying in my own time one day. Such emotional burden is not something my frail heart can take. 

Death is something inevitable, and I shall not shy away from it. I have worked hard my whole not-very-long life, and I'll continue working hard till my time comes. And when my time does come, I'll welcome it with open arms and a teary smile and finally rest.